Tracy

Now that you’re engaged, everybody is happy for you and your fiancé. Everyone is so happy that they immediately start overloading you with questions about when, where, how, and why about your upcoming wedding.

Folks want to transcend their vision of what you should do and why you should do it. Comments come before you like, “You know you’re Catholic so you have to have service in the chapel before you marry” or “You have to wear something blue”, “We are Jewish and it is customary to say the Jewish prayer” or “You have to jump the broom, it pays respect to your ancestors”. Before you know it, you’re confused about what to do and you turn to the internet for information overload.

The reality is, we no longer live in a time where weddings have to align to weddings of yesteryear or look like a live version of the Cinderella story. The perfect wedding is not what your grandmother wants, your mom wants or even what your dad wants (unless they are footing the bill) and even then, the perfect wedding is what you and your fiancé want to have, whatever that may be.

If you choose to have a traditional wedding in a Church with all the bells and whistles, then by all means do it if that is your vision of the perfect wedding. If you and your fiancé love the Flintstones cartoon, Butterflies, Pink Pansies or Dinosaurs and you want to have that as your wedding theme, then by all means do it if that is the vision of the perfect wedding for the two of you.

Don’t allow others to dictate what the perfect wedding is to you. The perfect wedding is what you imagine it to be. So don’t limit yourself from the possibilities of ideas you and your sweetheart can create for your Big Day; be sure to give it a lot of thought and do as much or as little to live out one of the most important days in your life. You deserve it!

TAP

Now that you and your fiancé are on the road to holy matrimony, you have a lot of decisions to make. Some of your decisions are very important and need to be addressed right away, while other decisions can wait and be answered later on. Be sure that you and your fiancé start the process by addressing important decisions when starting the wedding planning process. We can categorize these as main and minor decisions. So, how about we explore what would be a couple’s top 10 main decisions to make when forecasting decisions to start the planning process of your upcoming wedding, this week we will look at the top 5:

1. When and what time of day? – This is usually the first question that a couple will face, when do we want to marry. Some want to do it right away while others wait and plan a celebration. Whichever fits the couple, they will normally take into consideration several factors. One being whether they prefer warm weather or cold. A special intimate day that is significant to the couple like on the day they met, first kiss or Valentine’s Day. At times, the venue where the couple wants to marry may dictate the when; popular locations are difficult to get unless you plan in advance so it may determine if the couple can marry on their Ideal day.

2. What is our budget? – This seems to be a big question because many couples typically aren’t aware of the average cost of a wedding and it varies from geographic location. It is important to talk about how you will finance this event and without going broke or in debt. If you are fortunate, you may have support from parents, and grandparents but whatever the source, you need to have a starting point unless you have a big purse like the likes of Oprah, Taylor Swift, Jayz and Beyonce or Donald Trump, just to name a few with seemingly unlimited resources.

3. Where are we going to marry? – Will you choose the church, the beach, the rain forest, a hotel, your parent’s estate, a museum, the back yard, Vegas, a cruise ship or in a hot air balloon. Today’s couples have a world of choices but unless you want to share your special moment with family and friends, it’s probably best to marry where the majority of the people that you want to share it with can come.

4. Who are we inviting? – This goes hand in hand with your budget. You can’t have a fancy wedding with all the bells and whistles and invite 150 – 200 people. If you have beer money, then you best have a nice small intimate celebration and invite the most important people in your life. This task will be difficult to manage because everyone will want to come and you and your fiancé have to make some difficult decisions whether or not Aunt Phyllis from Tennessee will get an invite or your best buddy from college.

5. Who’s going to marry us? – If you are a member of a religious organization, you may want to ask your spiritual leader, he/she will be honored. If you don’t have an affiliation, you may want to hire an officiate who has the license to marry which in many cases can provide the flexibility of locations that your spiritual leader may not agree to. Also, if you are same sex couple, some organizations may refuse to perform your service so you may have to seek other professionals who can with no problem.

Next week we will explore the last set of top 10 initial decisions a couple should consider once they start the planning process for their wedding.

TAP

This week we will explore the last set of top 10 initial decisions a couple should consider once they start the planning process for their wedding. Last week I covered the first set of important decisions. As a recap those questions are:

1. When and what time of day?
2. What is our budget?
3. Where are we going to marry?
4. Who are we inviting? and
5. Who’s going to marry us?

Okay, so for now you and your fiancé have five important decisions to discuss which don’t necessarily have to be answered in one day or discussion, but eventually will need to have an answer before you can move on to make other plans for your wedding. A great next topic of discussion would be:

6. What style and formality do we want? – When discussing the style for your wedding, be sure to cover how formal or informal you want your wedding to be. Deciding on the level of formality will go hand in hand with the location and time of day of the wedding. The ultimate decision is really what you want and desire your day to be like, but be careful not to take on someone else’s dream. If you want to wed in a cathedral chapel, it would be more fitting to do a formal event verses let’s say, having an event in the backyard of aunt Beverly’s house or at the fire station house. The style and formality also must go hand in hand with your budget. You can still have a glamorous wedding on a budget but it may call for a lot of DIY projects, borrowing unique items from friends and family or purchasing things from lower-end stores like the Dollar Tree or 5 below. Whatever style you and fiancé select, you can always add your own small touches to personalize it to reflect the theme that you all want.

7. Who’s going to be in the wedding party? – Deciding who is going to be selected to play a role in one of the most important days of your life can be a difficult decision. You may want to include all your friends however, your budget may not support that. You may want to include your fiancé’s sister(s), your cousin or your BFF since grade school/college in your wedding party. It is typically an honor to be asked to serve in a position of the wedding party. It can be viewed as a sign that you mean a great deal to the couple. It can also be an opportunity to blend the two families together by being a part of the couple’s union in a happy harmonious way. This decision should be well thought out and in advance so participants can help in making decisions and planning the many parties of the upcoming months. Be sure to select people you love, trust and those you spend a lot of time with because these are the people you’ll particularly want to party with you.

8. What kind of rings do we want? Deciding on what rings to purchase can affect the budget of the couple. Your rings can be selected at the time of engagement or throughout the engagement period. This task should be done by both parties as you want to be sure you are selecting a set of rings that is affordable, reflective of your union that has meaning to the both of you, and the style that will compliment both tastes. It doesn’t necessarily mean you must buy a super-sized diamond but you will want to have a solid representation of your commitment to each other. If your budget cannot afford those gleaming diamonds and you just can’t imagine not getting married without them, you can choose to select a more affordable stone such as cubic zirconium which are man-made stones that resemble natural diamonds. If diamonds aren’t your thing, you can opt for another stone like a ruby, an opal, a sapphire or no stone at all. Some couples choose to have a standard, gold, platinum, titanium or sliver band for their wedding rings.

9. Do we want to go on a honeymoon and when do we want to do it? Many couples choose to vacation after a long season of planning and getting married. It is a great way to kick off your new life. In many cases, if the desire to go off to another country is in the plans, much research and preparation has to be made of location, requirements, cost and amenities. If it is a costly trip you can find creative ways to finance your honeymoon by opening a honeymoon fund from websites like www.honeyfund.com and ask your family and friends to help raise money to support your honeymoon as their way of providing a gift. Sometimes if you are a busy couple, going on a honeymoon right after the wedding may not be an option or maybe cost is a factor. Be sure that if your plans is to honeymoon right away, add the cost into your wedding budget.

10. Do we need to hire a wedding planner/consultant? – For the busy couple that have little time to devote to the details of planning and executing a wedding and have disposable income to do so, hiring a wedding professional may be the best decision. A wedding professional will help you realize your dream wedding while you sit back, relax and enjoy being in the spotlight. Your professional can provide a number of services that will ease your worries by utilizing their network of vendors or new ones to provide the services you want, oversee the budget to keep you on track, seek out venues, serve as project manager, and do it in a professional manner.

No need to ask your sister, best friend or aunt Lucy to stress over trying to avoid you turning into Bridezilla, you want them to also enjoy you and your future spouse. A full service planner can do almost anything and everything you need. A professional planner typically has a team that is working with him/her to handle all the logistics and they do it with a smile because that’s what they love to do. Hiring a professional is also something all brides can obtain as today’s professional have multiple payment plans so you don’t have to stress about not having enough money for their expert services. Think about your needs and your availability of time before making a decision.

Now that you and your sweetie are aware of what you need to focus on for the next few months, make the best of it, take your time and enjoy this period before you join lives together. If you are still unsure or really want to savor this time, be sure to highly consider #10 where you decide whether to hire a professional. A professional can lift the heavy burden off of your shoulders with the wedding planning. Of course, hiring a wedding planner doesn’t mean you have no say so in what you are about to embark on, this is not the wedding of your planner/consultant, except it is yours.

Your hired professional will not make a move towards the planning of your event without your input highly involved. It’s your day, have it your way and the professionals at Devoted to Your Event, LLC will do just that to make your ideas come to fruition so you can create memories to cherish for a lifetime.

TAP

From the auto repair to the office project to selecting your soul mate, trusting relationships develop in a predictable way: You engage in a situation to test the expertise, if the test is passed, you may get the chance to become a regular trusted resource. Afterwards, you evolve through a pattern of consistent delivery and integrity to a trusted advisory, colleague, friend or spouse.

In order to develop and maintain successful and lasting relationships trust must be built. To have trust is to care, have reliance and confidence. It is an expectation of others to behave responsibly or honorably and a dependence on what will happen in the future. If you can’t trust someone regardless of the relationship whether personal or professional, you miss out on the benefits and to stall progression. The benefits of trust are:

1. Openness
2. Respect
3. Access
4. Involvement
5. Long-term relationships

Trust is typically built on a four step process which is the basis to establishing trust in all successful relationships:

1. Foundation – When building a relationship, it’s essential to starting off in a good place. To do this you must demonstrate credibility, professionalism, and empathy.
2. Practice active listening –listening shows you can reserve judgment and focus on the situation at hand or issues that may come up.
3. Communicate- Providing open, honest, quality facts will earn the trust from your counterpart.
4. Commitment to effort- Regardless the situation, you and the other party must be able to visualize success and jointly commit to the effort and avoid blame, set realistic expectations, surface risks and challenges

Knowing the importance, benefits and process taken to build trust, put these efforts into action and do what is right and your rewards will be tenfold. If perhaps you aren’t willing to develop anything long term, then don’t bother. Life has its ways of circling around and you never know when you’ll need to turn to someone or you may pass up that lasting love. Establishing trust in your relationships is beneficial in one way or another that will serve you well into the future.

TAP

Budget for your wedding? Why do some people think that having a budget is not important? When it comes to figuring out what your budget should be for your wedding, it is an all important topic that should be discussed with your fiancé in the early planning stages. Many couples today are contributing financially to their own wedding and most likely both individuals work. It’s no longer the sole responsibility of the bride’s parents to assume the financial task of paying for their daughter’s wedding. The grooms parents may offer to contribute, although they typically pay for the rehearsal dinner. Many second, third and possibly even fourth-time brides and grooms are definitely footing the bill for their nuptials.

What I think is very important is understanding as a couple what is your ideal wedding. Many couples have no idea what the cost of having a wedding is today. The average cost of a wedding is about $20,000. Here in the Washington DC Metropolitan area, the average cost of a wedding in 2013 was $35,306. Events such as these have become very expensive but it doesn’t have to be overly expensive. A couple on a budget can still have a decent celebration that possesses all of the typical traditions of a more expensive wedding. The difference is that the more money you have, the more you can purchase and the less you have to do. With less money you have to be more creative or possibly start a fund early on.

The estimated breakdown of a typical bridal budget is:

Honeymoon – 5-15%
Transportation -3 -5%
Attire – 5-15%
Parties – 2-5%
Ceremony – 4-8%
Photographer – 7-10%
Decorations – 2-3%
Reception -40 -60%
Flowers – 10-12%
Rentals – 3- 5%
Gifts – 2-5%
Stationery – 4-5%
Marriage Prep – 2-3%
Videographer – 5-7%
Wedding bands – 2-5%
Music – 4-9%
Miscellaneous – 8-15%
Wedding Planner – 8-12%

By far, the most expensive part of a wedding is the reception. if your budget is $10,000, then you can already be prepared to spend about $5-6K on food and drink to accommodate your guests in a catered meal situation. This is where, couples can really lose track of their dollars if they don’t stay on task and on budget.

Trying to include everyone in your friends and family network may not fit with your budget, which is why you and your fiancé need to have that all cumbersome task to agree on who to include and eliminate. The bottom line, more people equals more money. It’s not about who you are trying to impress, but more what you can afford. But if you just can’t say no, try being creative and have a pot luck type of event where everyone bring a dish, an early in the day celebration where the food is less expensive or a less popular day like during the week, a Friday or a Sunday. Starting your marriage in debt is not what you want to be aspiring to do.

Hiring a professional to help you stay on course and on budget will come in to be the most valuable investment in your wedding. Be sure to trust this with someone who you have the opportunity to get to know and who possesses the credentials and experience to back it up.

TAP

According to research provided by The Wedding Report (weddingreport.com), the most popular time to get married has shifted from May and June to September and October. There are some great reasons to consider when to marry and it many times that decision is based on the couple’s wallet or if guest participation is important, it may play a heavy role in that consideration.

The time of the year to consider getting married can vary from one couple to another. Some couples want to choose a time that is significant them as well as a time when it is considerate for families, friends and the wedding party. The origins for when May and June were more popular to marry were:

Harvest
Couples often chose to marry in accordance to their peak harvest time. Having a late spring early summer wedding meant that a possible summer pregnancy would still be early enough in the season that a wife could help out with manual work during that year’s harvest period. It also meant that after a spring birth, the recovered bride would be in good enough health to assist in the next year’s harvest.

Cleanliness
A long time ago, regular bathing wasn’t exactly considered a necessity and was therefore reserved as a once-a-year event that the most of the population observed during the last part of May or beginning of June. As expected, right after their “annual bath“, many couples decided to tie the knot since each person was probably their most presentable (and less stinky) during this time compared to the upcoming twelve months.

The Roman Goddess: Juno
Juno was the ancient Roman goddess of marriage, and accordingly, many Romans chose to honor this goddess by having their wedding in June. Many considered this month to be the most favorable time to marry and would be showered with luck and good wishes from the gods above if they did so.

Fast forward into the 20th Century, these months remained more popular because of the weather, it typically ranges from warm to hot and perfect for outdoor weddings. Participation from family and friends were more likely since kids are traditionally out of school and folks took time off of work. The more popular the time frame however, the more expensive venues, catering and other aspects of the wedding became.

Now in the 21st Century, the shift for the most popular times to wed went to the fall months, so why the fall? Many reasons were based on the weather, the fall months are far more “comfortable” for outdoor weddings and the scenery is as beautiful as the summer months. Less creepy crawlers in some areas are also popular reasons. The cost of venues were less expensive than late spring or heart of the summer but now that trend is also changing to be more like the summer months yet still slightly less. The level of participation with family and friends have not changed now that couples are sending out Save-the-Dates as a courtesy for planning purposes.

Overall, the off season (or deep winter) months are still the least expensive times to have your wedding; months such as — January, February, and March –but, December has been gaining fast because of the holidays). Because there’s less demand, you’ll likely get discounted prices on your reception site — not to mention most of your other wedding services, like catering, photography, and flowers (except around Valentine’s Day and Easter, of course, when roses and lilies are at a premium because they’re in high demand). You can still save on high peak times depending on the time of day and week you want to marry.

So when you are thinking about the best time for you and your sweetie to get married, be sure to consider not only the weather and participation of your guests but keep in mind what is best for your wallet.

TAP