Choosing your wedding party is an all important decision for couples as you embark on planning for your big day. Your selection of who and how large or small of a party to have can be challenging to navigate the potential sensitivities and emotions involved. Here are some considerations and strategies to help you choose your wedding party while minimizing hurt feelings and staying within your budget:
NOTE: The key word here is BUDGET, this must be decided right after you set a date and before you start shopping for a venue and anything else. Keep in mind that everything a couple does from this point on need to keep the budget as the most important part of this process in order to maintain your sanity and relationship. Trust me, I have done far too many weddings and other no-wedding events to know that this is the most important aspect of your event outside of your desire to share your love with family and friends. It is very easy for Brides to turn into bridezillas, grooms to turn into groomzillas, and parents if involved, turn into mom and dadzillas because of the budget. You will want to maintain your happiness throughout this process as it should be filled with joy and excitement!
First things first:
1. **Set Clear Criteria**: Begin by defining what roles you need in your wedding party (e.g., maid of honor, best man, bridesmaids, groomsmen). Decide how many people you want, keeping in mind your budget and how each person will contribute to your day. If you have a large budget, you may want to cover this cost for your attendants or ask them to contribute some. Some couples ask their attendants to pay for the selected garments they will wear for the wedding.
2. **Discuss with Your Partner**: Make sure you and your partner both have an equal say in who gets chosen for the wedding party. This ensures both sides of the family and mutual friends are considered, preventing any bias.
3.**Consider Your Relationships**: Choose people who you trust and who have supported you both as a couple. Often these are long-time friends or close family members. Consider how well they get along with others in the party as well. Although this maybe a difficult task, it doesn’t have to be. If your budget is on the smaller side, you may only want to have a small wedding party and select a small number such as three and three (bridesmaids and groomsmen) that number may include the maid of honor (MOH) and best man (BM) leaving you with two and two plus the MOH & BM.
4. **Be Honest and Transparent**: Select those individuals who mean the most and communicate openly with those you didn’t select for the wedding party about your decision. Explain to them that although you love them, your budget or whatever the reason, cannot accommodate including them in the wedding party. Some family and friends may have an expectation or your line sisters from your sorority. Being honest will earn their respect and understanding.
5. **Set Expectations**: Clarify in advance what being part of your wedding party entails, so they know about any costs, time commitments, and responsibilities they are taking on. Some attendants may volunteer to finance certain aspects like the shower, the bachelor and bachelorette parties, the rehearsal dinner etc… As a minimum, they should know that they will be required to be available for important gatherings, meetings, parties as well as the wedding rehearsal. Some couples go as far as taking dance lessons to perform a “bride and bridesmaid” dance routine or a “groom ad groomsmen” dance routine at the reception which will require practice time.
6. **Involve Others in Different Roles**: If you want to include more people, consider non-traditional roles or honorary titles. Ask them to do a reading, be ushers, or take part in other important aspects of the ceremony. It is smart to ask family and friends to support in other areas so they are not feeling left out, especially if they have a skill you need for the wedding. You may even save money doing this as they will be happy to play a role in most cases and won’t require payment.
7. **Don’t Feel Pressured by Traditions**: It’s your day, and you should feel free to break from traditional constraints. If it makes more sense to you, there is no rule against having mixed-gender parties, having a smaller or larger party, or even not having each partner’s party match in number. I’ve seem weddings with 17 bridesmaids, 17 groomsmen, 17 Junior bridesmaids, 17 junior groomsmen, a maid of honor, best man, four flower girls and two ring barriers. I’ve also seen a wedding with only a flower girl as the party outside of the bride and groom and I’ve hosted a wedding where there were men as bridesmaids and women as groomsmen, but then this was an LGBTQ+ wedding, its not the only reason but it is possible to do what it is you want to do. It’s all up to you as a couple and your budget.
8. **Budgeting**: Remember, I can’t stress this enough that the size of your wedding party impacts your budget, as you often need to consider extra attire, gifts, or event invitations. Make sure you can comfortably afford the costs without cutting corners on essential aspects of the wedding.
9. **Value the Relationships Over Obligations**: Sometimes we feel obligated to include someone because of family pressures or expectations. While navigating these dynamics can be tricky, prioritize relationships that truly matter to you and your fiance.
10. **Consider Upcoming Life Changes**: People who are likely to remain active and supportive in your life moving forward could be better choices, ensuring they continue to have a special place in your journey as a couple.
By maintaining open communication, being considerate in your selection, and thinking creatively, you can choose a wedding party that respects your relationships and your practical needs, resulting in a more joyous and harmonious celebration.
Tracy Pope, Owner
Devoted to Your Event